Okay, I'm going to do something totally out of character for me. I try to never blog about anything too serious because this is an outlet for me. I like to come to Blogland and enjoy fun, crazy things and forget about the rest for a while. It's nice to just take a breather and relax. That's why I so seldom engage in any serious conversations on here. It sort of defeats the whole purpose of blogging (for me, anyway!), you know?! Anyway, I'm sorry to do it, but this is the only thing on my mind tonight, so here it goes...

James and I were just talking about some things and I was reminded of a certain conversation I had with my Dad several years ago that probably altered the course of my life to a great degree. I was 13 or 14 years old and in that not-a-little-girl-anymore stage of life. Somebody had given me a little gray knit dress--like a t-shirt dress, but it was rather snug. I remember wearing it with a black belt to a Revival service or something in Pueblo one night. Let me first say that my Dad never had any input in the way that I dressed, not because I wouldn't have welcomed it, simply because he just wasn't interested in such things and (even more) because he's not the type to notice. (I could wear a dead chicken around my neck and it might not draw his attention--he's just not real observant.) But this particular night he came to me and said, short and sweet, that he didn't want me to wear that dress again. I was so unaccustomed to having him say anything at all about my clothing that I was shocked and asked why. I don't remember how he worded it--if he said it was not modest enough or too tight or too revealing, or what--but I was stunned. And horrified. In retrospect, I recall even thinking (before this conversation) that I "looked good," if you know what I mean, in that dress. I wasn't aware that I was thinking "worldly" things or following a sensual line of thought. "Everybody else" wore things like this (and much worse) and without even knowing it I was following their lead. But one 10 second conversation with my Dad awakened me to the truth that I was headed a wrong direction, seeking the wrong things, and for all the wrong reasons. I was appalled. I was heartbroken to have done something that my Dad deemed unacceptable, and even more heartbroken to think of the things that were in my heart to cause me to desire to "look good" in that way. (I probably didn't anyway, but you get the point!)

So it got me to thinking... what if my Dad hadn't taken the time to notice when I took a step in the wrong direction? What if he didn't care enough to mention it to me? What if he figured it was none of his business and I'd get it all worked out on my own in due time? What if he had waited until I'd been wearing that dress (and then others, getting increasingly worse) for some time--long enough for me to get used to it and think it normal, long enough for it to become engrained in my heart and mind that it was "okay"--and then tried to tell me no? And the biggest one of all: what if my Dad didn't have my utmost respect and admiration and I rebelled against his counsel?! It was so easy for him to aim me back in the proper direction!!! One little 10 second conversation stopped me dead in my tracks and made me re-evaluate my heart and it's motives. All because my Dad had my heart. So many fathers miss the mark because they don't take the time to build good, solid relationships with their kids. The worldly ones spend their time in their own pursuits, never caring enough to include their children in their lives. And the "spiritual" ones spend their time harping at the children and nagging about every little thing as if rules and regulations themselves can make a child holy and godly. But a father who has won the love and respect of his children has sooooooooo much influence over them when it really matters! If my Dad had not won my heart throughout my childhood, I might have rejected that counsel that night so long ago. And how different my life would have been! I was taking the first step down a road toward worldliness! Seeking to look like the world and gain the favor of those around me--and the wrong kind of favor--and I didn't even know it. What if I had continued down that road? What would I have been wearing the next year, or the one following that--or right now? And more than the clothing, what would be the desire of my heart?! That night I was so heartbroken. I rememeber being crushed by the whole encounter and suddenly realizing that I had wanted to "look good" in that dress instead of wanting to look pure for the Lord. I began evaluating a whole lot of things and it was probably the first step down the right path--the one that God intended for me to take. A path of holiness and purity. Not to say that I have never strayed from that path in some way or another, but I'm on it! And I'm not insensitive to the times when the devil or the world tries to allure me in some way. I've been made more conscious of that line between worldliness and godliness that so many good Christian people seem to struggle to find. So many good Christian people look so much like the world, but don't even realize it! They're a degree or too "better," so they feel like they're "holy," but they're on the same road--just a few steps behind! What is in our hearts that causes us to desire the things that we desire? Why do we wear what we wear? Do we wear it to look good to those around us? Or do we wear it because we believe it would be a good representation of our Lord and His Church? We have it spelled out for us in our Advice: Neat and clean, but not for show. -- I LOVE THAT! It's so freeing to walk away from the trends and what everybody else is "into." There have been times in my life that I've found myself starting to fall into that same "want to look good" trap--even recently--but I'm always reminded that it doesn't matter what those around me think. If God can look down at me with pleasure instead of heartache, if He can see a heart (an consequently, a life) that is seeking to please Him instead of find the favor of the world (or sadly, even some church folks!), then I have succeeded in the world of fashion! ;-) It's liberating to be able to dress to please God instead of to try to "look good." It's feels soooooo good to know that your heart is crying out for His favor instead of the favor of others. There is such rest and peace in that!

I have never talked to my Dad about that night so long ago and the effect that it had on me. But I've never forgotten it and as I've been thinking about it tonight and realizing how much it has changed my life, I am soooooooo thankful. I'm sooooooooo thankful for a Dad with a heart for holiness and who loved me enough to aim me in the right direction. (And that he loved me enough to win my heart ahead of time so that I could be led! It's my heart's desire for my own children--to win their total love and respect so that they, too, will have hearts that are humble and teachable instead of stubborn and rebellious.) And I'm sooooooooo thankful for the love and mercy that God showed me in giving me the wise Dad that He did. I can't begin to imagine the mess I would be right now if it weren't for the love and mercy of God, and the wise and loving direction and correction I received from godly parents who were watching for my soul. It just makes me feel that all is well in my world! I'M SO BLESSED.

That's it for tonight. I promise you a crazy kid story or at least some pictures next time. Thanks for bearing with me!

~Rebekah~