Okay, so we've got real problems. Our dog is dumb. Really, really dumb. We are leaving for Convention and Camp in 10 days and Hershey will have to stay home alone while we're away. It's always sad to do that--he's such a sociable little guy--but it's still better than boarding him and having him locked up in a little cage surrounded by other dogs that he can see and hear and smell but not get close to and play with. That seems more like torture to me than help. Besides the fact that these wacko's want $17 a night! Can you imagine?! People are NUTS. Far better to have your very own house and a great big yard to roam around in at your own free will.

The house that we bought in Texas had a dog door already installed. We moved there when Hershey was still a puppy, about 5 months old, I think. It took him a year (did you catch that--a year) to learn how to go out the dog door. He was scared of it and would have nothing to do with it. I just kept shoving him through it and pointing at it and yelling. For months and months until he finally got it. That's not the bad part. It took him another year to learn to come back in. I'm not making this up. He finally decided he was okay with going out, but once he got there he would be stuck. We'd watch him through the window. He'd go back to the dog door and push on it with his nose, making it swing back and forth and back and forth and back and forth *fwap*fwap*fwap* but just couldn't make himself push all the way through it. DUMB DOG. He finally caught on and could easily let himself in and out and we lived there for another two and a half years with a dog well accustomed to using a dog door.

We moved out in December. He's been 5 months without a dog door and it's as if he's never seen one before. Brother Dustin installed one for us when he was here a few weeks ago (don't ask why HE was the one to do it--I don't know... And I wouldn't recommend him for the job. It's one of the very many misplaced holes that happened while he was here. Ha!) and we've been trying to teach the dog to use it ever since then. It's not going so well and I'm beginning to get worried. If you point at it and tell him to go out he acts like he's being punished. Hunkers over and tucks his tail and goes to hide under a chair or something. He'll eventually go but once he's out, he's out. I've stood inside the house and ordered him out, then called him back in, then ordered him out, then called him back in over and over and over again. I've tried it from the outside of the house, too. He'll go out and he'll come in, but only when ordered to do so. Somehow he's forgotten the entire purpose of a dog door: so the dog can come and go at will and without any effort or direction on the part of his humans. He just doesn't GET it anymore!

Take Sunday, for instance. We left the house at 9:00 that morning and didn't get home until after 8:00 that night. That's 11 hours, right? He was curled up on the couch when we got home, he went nuts greeting everybody like he always does, then was just DYING to go outside. He'll been "stuck" in the house all day long--just 'cause he's not smart enough to go to the dog door and let himself out!

On three other occasions he's been out in the yard when we left. And in the yard when we came home a few hours later, all hot and panting. !!! Why doesn't the dumb dog use the dog door?!?!? The other night he was outside for 2 or 3 hours. I kept thinking if I waited long enough maybe it would occur to him that he can get back inside if he'll just use his own door. At 11:30 that night I finally gave up and went to fetch him. ME, fetching. Not the dog; me.

This would all be nothing more than a minor frustration except that we're getting ready to leave town for a week. What's he going to do while we're gone?! If he stays inside all week he's going to be in bi-i-i-i-i-ig trouble when we get home. (He never has issues like that inside the house, but no dog could last a whole week!) Or he's going to lock himself outside and either starve to death or die of the heat. So I've been beefing up the training the past several days. Nobody is allowed to let the dog in or out. If he tells you he needs out, you are to lead him to the dog door and make him use it. If he's ready to come back in, same thing. Of course, this is much more difficult than I thought it would be when I initiated the plan. The dumb dog ALWAYS goes to the front door when he's ready to come back inside. The dog door is by the back door. So I have to go out the front door, walk the dog around to the back of the house, yell at him ("Use your own door, you dummy!!!"), then walk back around to the front of the house because the back door is locked. (I am married to James Horne, you know. Things are ALWAYS locked. Even if I just unlocked it, by the time I make it around the house--it's locked. He'll deny it, but it's so.) Or I have the option of just going out the back door and hollering for Hershey to come to me. This, of course, just adds to the frustration because Hershey is a dumb dog. I can yell for a full 10 minutes (believe me, I know), but he won't budge from the porch. I'm supposing it's because my voice is carrying around both sides of the house and over the top of it and he doesn't know where I am. I have to walk around to the side of the house before he'll come rushing to see me, all giddy-like. Then I lead him to his door and yell some more. ~sigh~ I'm so worn out. This is almost as frustrating as potty training a kid. WHAT DO I DO?! I've done everything I can think of, but it doesn't seem like we're gaining any ground here. We have a dog who used to use a dog door all the time. Now he is totally clueless. How can a dog be that dumb??? And then it has occurred to me... maybe he's not that dumb. Maybe it's all an act. After all, he's got 5 humans well trained to let him in and out when he wants, feed him when he scratches at the cabinet that contains his food, give him water when he stands with his paws up at the sink, throw a stuffed duck for him when he drops it at their feet, and now they even "fetch" him from the front of the house, personally escort him around to his own private entrance and, in essence, hold the door open for him. Then they go through the servant's entrance and praise the dog for being pampered. "Oh, good boy, Hershey! What a good dog you are! You used your very own door--good, good, good Hershey dog!!!" Kind of sickening when you think about it. Perhaps he knows perfectly well how to use the dog door, he's just grown accustomed to the special treatment. Maybe he does come and go while we're gone, but acts as if he's been stuck in or out the whole time just to keep us from catching on to his little scheme. How can you know?! He's either really, really dumb or way too smart.

Either way, he's been consuming a whole lot of my life and attention this past week. As is evidenced by the fact that he got a whole post on my blog, all to himself! Ha! There really hasn't been anything else exciting going on anyway. Today I did school with the kids and spent the rest of the day either working on Snack Shack plans with Cathy or preparing for my WMB service tonight--which went very, very well, by the way. I was blessed, anyway! Hope everybody else was! Ha! And, of course, I've been leading my dog to the door all day. Over and over and over again. Mom even had the idea to make the front door off limits to everybody for a while. If he follows us to the BACK door all the time, maybe he'll see his own door there and--since we won't let him through ours--think to use it. It hasn't worked yet, but it has made for a lot more inconvenience for the rest of us! Ha! Anyway, I've even taken to praying that God will help the dumb dog learn to use his door. Convention starts 10 days from now. He's got that long to figure it out. Let's see, now... it took him a year to learn to go out his door in Andrews and another year to learn to come back in, so... !!! ~sigh~ Does anybody have any suggestions?! If so, bring 'em on! If not... well, at least help me pray!!! Ha!