Prologue:
I spent all day yesterday painting the outside of the house (the addition built onto the back of the house, actually) and finally finished just after dark. (It's tricky to do a good job with your second coat in the dark, believe me. Now I know.)
Chapter One: The Washing
Today, after a nice relaxing breakfast, devotions, and doing school with the kids, I headed to the backyard to get at it again. After a while I turned around to check on the kids. (Now, I'm all for kids playing outside and getting dirty and all that, but I'm one of those people who believes there is a limit.) My three happy children were sitting on the ground, taking turns pouring handful after handful of dirt on top of one other's heads. Katie's bun was serving as a nice saucer and contained enough dirt to feed all three kids lunch. (And don't think I wasn't tempted to serve it to them.) My first reaction was of horrified shock. "I don't have time for this today!!! Can't you see I'm going to be PAINTING for the rest of my life?! What is WRONG with you people?!" I didn't SAY those things, just thought them. After collecting my scattered and unfriendly thoughts, I simply told the kids that if they're going to get that dirty, they would have to be stripped down bare and hosed off before going back inside. This promptly threw Joe into hysterics and he spent the following hour trying to convice me that the hose wasn't necessary. "But Mom, why would you hose ME off? I'm just the guitar man... *nervous smle*" I made them wait until I had completed the second coat of paint on the gate before we got down to the business at hand. I sat the boys in chairs around the corner of the house so they wouldn't see their sister in all her bare glory, but I'm certain they heard the goings on and it didn't help to calm them for their turn. I made sure I had all of the necessities on hand: hair brush, shampoo, conditioner, soap, wash cloth, towels. Katie got the worst of it since her hair requires more washing than does the boys'. She handled herself better than I had expected. Only a few ear piercing screams. Mostly she just kept yelling, "THIS IS SOOOOO COOOOOOOOLLLLLD!" I wrapped her in a towel and set her around the corner for the boys' turn. WOW. Talk about ear piercing screams. I'm just hoping nobody called the authorities. Nobody has shown up at the front door yet, anyway, asking what I've done with my children and where the bodies can be found. Yeah, Joe and Sam went into full-blown sissy mode. Screamed like a couple of banshies through the entire ordeal. I toted my three trembling, towel draped children inside and immediately put them all in their pajamas. This was at about 1:00pm. Fed them lunch, and sent them off for their naps. ~sigh~ Back to work.
Chapter Two: The Trimming
I was filled with great anticipation as I popped the lid open on the can of blue paint, the color of the trim. "Our yellow brick home will look so nice with this addition being painted cream instead of the awful rusty brown color it used to be. And this nice, dusty blue color will be the perfect accent color to set it all off..." *POP* Dusty blue? Did I say DUSTY Blue??? As I gazed into the glossy liquid, "Deep Stream" it was called, I felt my breath catch in my chest. "Paint always dries darker," I reminded myself. Whoever made that up is a LIAR. I looked up into the bright, cloudless, blue sky above me. A perfect match. *Long, painful groan of utter despair* I went ahead and slopped some paint on the trim on the lonely side of the house (the side nobody ever sees), then on the window trim that faced the back. Then I put my brush down and waited for it to "dry darker." That was about an hour ago. I'm still waiting. YEP, I now have a yellow brick home with a cream (although it looks rather yellow itself -- not what I had planned either) addition, and "HEY, LOOK AT ME -- I'M REALLY, REALLY, BRIGHT BLUUUUUUUEEEE!!!" trim. *Repeat that same groan from a few moments ago*
Chapter Three: The Calling
That's right. As if enough hadn't gone wrong, now it was time for the phone call. The one to James, to tell him that we now have Carolina Panthers BLUE trim on our house. Thankfully, he knows nothing of the Carolina Panthers or their colors. He will soon enough, however, and I don't think he's going to be a fan. Actually, the conversation went much better than expected. He calmly said, "You dolt!!! What were you thinking?! This is our HOUSE, not a marine habitat!!!" Not really. He really did handle the news rather well. Thankfully we only paid $12 for the gallon of Horrid Blue, so that eases the pain. Still, it's a waste! A waste of paint, a waste of money, a waste of time, a waste of man hours (woman hours, that is), a waste of paint clean-up (which, as a general rule, takes longer than the painting itself)... you get the point.
Chapter Four: The Begging
"Hey, Tammy! This is Becki. Give me a call when you get a chance, okay?! Thanks" *CLICK* Rats. Couldn't even BEG right today -- she's not home!!! James wants me to ask Tammy if she can watch the kids tonight so he and I can run back to Odessa (where he is right now) to take another stab at finding a pleasant shade of blue. Which means, of course, that I'll either have to drag my already pajama clad children across town to Tammy's house, or actually get them dressed, so I can come home and put them in their pajamas again tonight. Is there no end?!
Of course not! There's NEVER any end! Because tonight I've got to pick out more paint that may turn out to be stirred with the Ugly Stick, as was the first gallon!!! Those little liar cards they give you ALWAYS look good! "Ooh, what a nice, muted shade of blue this is." NO IT'S NOT!!! Don't fall for it! Those cards have been infused with some strange chemical that you inhale as you look and it somehow transforms your ability to decipher nice nuetral shades from loud, obnoxious ones that would work perfectly as a neon sign, if only they had a plug!!!
So, although I'm sure you're all on the edge of your seats, anxiously awaiting the thrilling conclusion of the Saga of Becki's Life... alas, I've no conclusion to give you. And I don't even have any pictures to share with you, although there have been lots of wonderful scenes that could've been captured today... I think I'll call the first one "The Ugliest House on the Block." The second? "The Naked and Trembling Trio Straining Their Little -- However Impressively Strong -- Vocal Chords for All of Andrews, Texas to Hear."
Anyone ready to come visit the Horne home??? We'll make room for you... if you don't mind sleeping in a dog-ugly house!!!!!!!!!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuggggghhhhh!!!!!
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